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Talk:Allister Powell/@comment-24487330-20141007163112
Appearance section: This section looks good. It's short and concise, telling us just what we need to know about the character's appearance. Personality section: Everything seems to align pretty well up until the last part. Being quiet and passive, I'd think that taking a swing at someone for downing his likes is a pretty huge step. I could understand getting angry or even confronting the offending party, but lashing out like that in a high school setting is usually a good way to get suspended or expelled, so I'd consider toning it down if only for the sake of pragmatism. One other, less-essential thing it'd be nice to know is how Al gets on with school life. After all, it is a high school, so some mention of his academic performance, even if it's just mentioning his attitude towards school in general, might be fitting for the setting. I don't think this would bar the character from being accepted, though. Background section: This section is short and to-the-point, and while it does tell us the defining points of Al's life so far, it seems a bit lacking in terms of development. Who is the master swordsman who began training him after moving to Japan? Who were the ones to craft and enchant Dragon's Wail, or was it an heirloom passed down to him from a previous generation? What drives him to meet his father's expectations? If these are going to be defining plot points for Al (and I expect that they would be), then I suggest fleshing them out some more to give them adequate context. One thing that does stand out is the mention that Al is a junior at OG#42, despite the summary line at the top of the page stating that he's a second-year. If this is a standard four-year high-school, which of the two statements is true and which is false? Correcting that error could prevent headaches in the future. Abilities section: I like the description of Al's swordsmanship discipline, the Humming Step, and it makes sense that his weapon allows him to use his special attacks. The shockwaves, however, seem much too powerful, even for a second- or third-year student; after all, he's still only 16, and if he starts out this strong, I doubt he'd need to attend a special school for it. I'd suggest starting with only the first-level attack, maybe with a weaker version of it, and gradually develop him to strengthen the attack and then learn and master the second and third attacks in a similar fashion. (READ: That means you don't necessarily have to get rid of the other two attacks, so long as he needs to work his way up to unlocking and properly using them.) TL;DR version: Overall, it's a nice, well-defined character concept. Tone down the power levels on Al's special attacks. Clarify which year he's in and make sure it matches up whenever it's mentioned, and maybe tell us a bit more about his family and associates. My verdict: Sadly, Rejected. It's pretty close, though, so don't give up! Remember to add the profile back to Pending after you've made thee necessary changes.